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April 16, 2011

Things Fall apart and Come Back Together - Often in a Better Way

Awhile back, I saw the movie “Then She Found Me” with Colin Firth, Matt Broderick, Bette Midler, and Helen Hunt about a woman who gets dumped by her husband. This causes her world to seemingly fall apart, but it doesn’t take long before she falls in love with a man she is much better suited to be with. Of course, they are both terrified of love due to each having lost at it the first time around. The tension around their clumsy attempts at relationship creates the action of the movie.

I cherish and relate to the conversation that occurs at the end of the movie after a comedy of errors that comes precipitously close to keeping the two destined lovers apart (e.g., she sleeps with her Ex even though she doesn’t love him anymore).

She: “I will disappoint you again and again, not in THAT way. If I disappoint you in that way, I want you to leave. You would leave wouldn’t you?”

He: “Yes.”

She: “And you could leave for another reason."

He: “I won’t.”

She: “But, you could.”

He: “I won’t.”

She: “But, you could.”

He: “Yes, I could.”

She: “But, we will go ahead and try this thing.”

The above is a loose paraphrase of that conversation. Point being is that it got me thinking about the impermanence of things I’ve experienced in my own life and how we humans can’t predict the future with any final certainty, although, we love to think we can.

Oh, there was a time when I was younger…but, I would no longer be so brazen as to set my future in stone. For one thing, I've learned that my little ego isn’t smart enough to understand my Life (capital "L") from a Big Picture perspective.

I’ve also learned that when things fall apart (and they most assuredly do in the life of each person at one time or another), it is not so much about “What?” “How?” or “Why?” so much as the way we choose to deal with whatever gets thrown onto our paths that makes all the difference.

While such thoughts were still fresh in my mind; I decided to check my Facebook Wall and happened across the Status of the Awakening Women Institute:

“Each and every one of us will experience times when things fall apart. During these times, we are stripped of part of our identity. It can feel terrifying; it can feel unfair, yet these moments when our self-identity is less solid can provide a powerful initiation into a greater sense of freedom. The dismantling of identity throws us into unknown territory and into change.”

Aw, Change. It keeps the Wheel of Fortune ever turning and allows us mere mortals opportunity to experience just how creative and resourceful we can be as co-creators of this sometimes dreadful/sometimes wonderful life!


  1. I, too, enjoyed the movie, "Then She Found Me." It spoke volumes to me about life and how we hurt one another and get hurt and will continue to do both either intentionally or unintentionally.

    However, this is what binds us together -- the frailties of our humanity. Suddenly, we are thrown from the pinnacle upon which we stand and find ourselves once more in a dismal valley of obstacles. This, to me, is where synchronicity comes in. Reality is often times spiritual -- and certainly not always tangible. The times spent in the valleys of our lives are the times that we can either bemoan or use as a fulcrum to find our balance within.

    Reality is not who we are on the outside; it is internal -- it goes beyond the realm of the heart -- into our souls and spirits. We are one with the Universe, but many people never take the time to quiet themselves long enough to understand this heightening awakening that can be theirs.

    Yes, I -- all of us - have been through the valleys of life, but I do not regret one valley I have walked. It is from each valley and its obstacles that I learn -- become wiser -- become more in tune with whom I am -- and come into a healthier balance physically, mentally, and spiritually, and know that I have all I need.

    While in the valleys, I sometimes encounter wandering souls that seem oblivious to the lessons to be learned and the wisdom to be found in these darker times. They seem to pass themselves by without even wondering -- just to hasten out of the valley. Yet, these same people will go out of their way to see the tangible wonders of the world. Why? Everything they need is to be learned in the valleys -- in quiet contemplation -- in absorption of feelings, thoughts, and in every question asked of one self.

    I will continue to find myself in valleys throughout my life. If I did not, I would never appreciate the wonder of the pinnacles of the mountain tops. If I did not, I would never discover myself, and I would not hold such a deep appreciation of others.If I did not, I would cease to be me.

  2. Mary,

    Thanks for this wonderful comment! Sorry for the delay in answering, but I did not see that you had posted. I will be much more active in the days to come in posting on this blog, and will watch for comments to be sure to respond in a timely manner!

  3. I got two for one here. Love the article, love the comment. I recently had things fall apart in my life. Two different "valleys" back to back. And from them both, things did come back to together better. I think a lot of that had to do with the fact, that after each valley, I changed and change always seems to be good. Thanks for sharing.

  4. Diana,

    I like what you said about things in your life coming back together in a better way due to the fact that you were willing to change. I think that is a real sign of emotional intelligence...the ability to change according to life circumstances.

    Thanks for the comment,


  5. This article hits home. My life has gone smoothly for many years - a loving wife (41 years) 8 children, the last two are adopted (the last one will graduate when I am 71)- and a business that has gone well. My wife had not been feeling well and the last thing that I said to her was to ask her how she felt. She said fine and a half hour later was in the arms of Jesus.

    Shortly after she died I had written in the margin of my Bible "Kathy's death?" this was by the verse Romans 8:28 "And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose." I told God that I could see no way that this could be good and that he would have to show me.

    It is now three years later and I still miss her more than ever, but I do get through the days OK. I now that I have a much deeper relationship with God and God is using that. I also have a 16 year old daughter who loves and respects her dad beyond measure and I am hoping that this keeps her on the straight path (she has strayed some). So I still look for good knowing that God will provide all I need.

    We all will have valleys in our lives, that is unavoidable. It is how we get out of the valley that is important. Some turn to destructive behavior such as drugs. For me I told God that He was my relationship and he has honored that. The valleys that we go through are like gold being refined - the more it is refined the purer it becomes, as do our lives as we are refined.

  6. Bob,

    This is a wonderful, heartfelt response...thank you for sharing your story. I do believe that one of the deepest valleys we can descend into is caused by the death of a loved one...our spouse, our child (God forbid!). I totally agree with you that our spiritual beliefs...whatever our path is...help us get through the Dark Wood to the Other Side. You sound like a loving father who wants only the best for his family...I believe that your 16-year old is protected by your love and your faith in a Higher Power to watch over her. One last thing...I love your idea that the valley we go through are like gold being refined...a good way to see the good in the trials we all are given in our lives.

    Blessings to you and your family,